“The devil will have you chasing your tail.”
I mentioned on Friday that I had been to a Leadership Conference the weekend before. Randy Ruiz (an amazing speaker) was the main speaker for the Conference, and I heard him make the above statement at least three times. “If the devil can’t stop you, he’ll wear you out. He will have you chasing your tail.”
This is one of those times where God specifically spoke words into my life, and then I immediately got a pop quiz over what I had learned.
Last week I really thought I was pregnant. I had two dreams, Roman had two dreams, my mom had even dreamed about my future baby girl. And even though nothing had been particularly different, I just felt like things would be. So last Monday I went in for a blood test to confirm.
It was negative.
For the next four days I lived in a complete state of numbness. And can I just be honest? (just say yes) I was angry at God. I mean, really angry. As in “yes, I am a two-year old and I am going to pitch a spiritual temper tantrum in the grocery store because You did not give me what I wanted”-angry. At first I was just really sad and disappointed, but the enemy has a very sneaky way of placing those thoughts into your mind, and suddenly your troubles turn into a direct “attack from God” and you start to blame Him for everything.
I know you’ve been there before. Maybe not for the same reasons, but I know you’ve been in a place where you blamed God for your troubles. We all do it every once in a while.
In the middle of the night on Thursday, I laid there in bed and finally talked to my husband about what I had been feeling. I cried for over an hour and voiced out loud all the questions that had been haunting my mind.
“Why did God allow me to hope?” “Why did He allow me to dream those dreams?” “Why isn’t He sparing me this pain?” “Why is this happening to us?” “Does He even love me anymore?” “Is this ever going to end?” “Should I even trust those dreams? Maybe I’m just reading too much into them.”
We didn’t go to sleep until after two o’clock that morning, but when I did I finally felt better. Over the next few days God would quietly place Scriptures in my Facebook newsfeed and send me little signs that He was still there. Did He usher Himself down from heaven and give me the details of His timeline? No. Did He send a prophet and reveal all of the answers to my questions? Nope. But, He proved Himself faithful. He put the pieces back together. He refilled my hope. He comforted me in my sadness.
The words of Randy Ruiz returned to my mind, and I realized just how cunning the enemy can be. I spent almost an entire week chasing my tail. Did I have a legitimate reason to be sad? Sure. But I spent four days being angry at God and refusing to do anything other than just push through the week. I did not read Scripture. I did not pray (other than to express my anger). I did not do anything in my ministries. I did not write anything on this blog. I barely spoke to my husband. The enemy managed to pretty much stop me for almost four entire days. He couldn’t stop me in a “normal” way, so he wore me out chasing after something that really isn’t bad.
It’s not bad for me to want children.
It’s not bad for you to want children.
It’s not bad for us to want financial freedom.
It’s not bad for us to want a better marriage.
But he can take something that’s good and turn it into a distraction. He can wear us down while we chase our tails, searching for the answers to questions that we really can’t expect God to answer (not on this side of heaven, anyways.)
God proved Himself faithful once more as I led the worship for our church. God moved in a mighty way through our congregation. It was one of those “we’re so busy worshipping that the Pastor didn’t even get to preach” services. But what would have happened had the worship leader still been holding anger in her heart against the Lord? Not to say that I’m the reason the worship was so good, or that God can only move when my heart is right, but, as the worship leader, I would have certainly impeded the Spirit if my heart had been in the wrong place. And that is exactly what the enemy wanted.
As the words of Randy Ruiz continued to circle my mind Sunday morning, I made sure to worship with all that I had. I wanted to make sure that the enemy heard my voice above everyone else’s, so I could rub his defeat in his face. My God conquers. My God heals. My God comforts. My God makes me victorious, in spite of my own self.
On this beautiful Monday morning, I want to encourage you. Learn from my failure of this past week, and don’t let the devil have a foothold in your life. He wants to see good Christians get worn out while we chase our tails. He wants us to fail, to get angry at God, to question His love for us. Don’t let him do it to you; the Lord has made you victorious!
“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” ~Romans 8:37
“But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” ~1 Corinthians 15:57
“For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.” ~1 John 5:4-5
“In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one.” ~Ephesians 6:16